Tilting at Windmills

My cover letter for HSA submissions. This is how I get them back. This is HOW I WIN.

"Enclosed please find evidence for claims submitted. The Claim Number for each claim has been painstakingly copied onto the top of the evidence with my best fountain pen, by candlelight. The finest in mimeograph technology has been used to render a suitable copy to allow me to retain the ability to resubmit should the descendents of the pony express fail to provide safe arrival for this documentation. Artisanal paper was hand-folded into a suitable enveloping container, sealed with glue from organic rubber trees curated in the last virgin rainforest on earth, with the most meticulous hand-application of 100% pure water melted from glacial waters carried down from the tallest Swiss alps.
I thought you’d appreciate this, as the online application you provide for a more efficient submission sees fit to chop the left side off all my PDF submissions. It is clearly designed by those who appreciate the buggy whip and still party like it's 1999."